resisting awareness

 There are many men and women who resist awareness in some important aspects of life.  

Perhaps they

are afraid to
⦁    face the immorality of their behavior.
⦁     look at an unhappy marriage.  

 do not· want to
⦁    look at the lies they live
⦁     look at how they treat their subordinates in the office.  
⦁     examine the anxious emptiness that rises within them whenever they are alone with nothing to do.
⦁     examine a whole range of emotions they feel that clash with their official self-image.

 So they dread
⦁    awareness,
⦁    quiet stillness,
⦁    meditative self-observation,
⦁    self confrontation.

They experience consciousness not as a source of pleasure but as a gun pointed at their head. That is because they identify "self' not with consciousness but with a phony image or with their favorite delusions.
 They have never discovered that our "I" -our deepest identity  -is neither our social roles nor our beliefs nor our feelings nor our attachments nor our defenses nor our possessions, but that inner searchlight we brighten or dim by choice.