Repression

 Bahnschrift; Repressed Emotions   Let It Out: Dealing With

Repressed emotions refer to emotions that you unconsciously avoid. These differ from suppressed emotions, which are feelings you purposely avoid because you dont know exactly how to deal with them.

Say you and your partner have a fight and decide to break up one evening. You still have to meet with an important client at work the next day, so you decide to suppress, or push aside, your feelings until you get home from that meeting.

Suppression can sometimes be a good short-term solution, as long as you make sure to address those emotions sooner rather than later.

Repressed emotions, on the other hand, dont get a chance to be processed. But that doesnt mean they simply disappear. Instead, they might show up as a range of psychological or physical symptoms.

Why does it happen?

Emotional repression often relates to childhood experiences.

Much of what children learn about behavior and communication comes from their primary caregivers.

So, youll probably feel pretty comfortable expressing your emotions if your caregivers:

··    frequently talked about their feelings

·    encouraged you to share how experiences made you feel

·    normalized your positive and negative emotional experiences

·    didnt judge or criticize your emotional expressions

Adults with repressed emotions often feel out of touch or disconnected from their feelings because they had a different childhood experience.

For example, you might be more likely to repress emotions if your caregivers:

··    rarely showed emotion or talked about their feelings

·    shamed or punished you for expressing your emotions

·    told you your emotions were wrong or denied your experience

    If showing your feelings in childhood led to distressing or painful outcomes, you probably learned it was much safer to avoid this entirely. As an adult, you might continue to bury strong emotions without realizing what youre doing. You might also notice you tend to push even the emotions you do notice aside. 

What kinds of emotions get repressed?

For the most part, people tend to repress strong emotions, especially those associated with discomfort or other unpleasant experiences.

This includes emotions like:

··    anger

·    frustration

·    sadness

·    fear

·    disappointment

Notice a pattern? These emotions are often described as negative. Its common to repress emotions you consider bad or believe other people might judge you for expressing.

Again, this stems back to your childhood. Maybe you grew up hearing things like:

    You dont have any reason to be sad.

    Calm down.

    You should be grateful. 

Even if your caregivers didnt specifically invalidate your emotional experience, they still mightve discouraged you from expressing intense emotions freely by telling you to stop crying or shouting.

As a result, you began to think of sadness, anger, and disappointment as emotions you shouldnt have, or at the very least, shouldnt acknowledge to anyone.

You could feel more in touch with positive emotions, or those considered normal and generally accepted by others. It might seem easier to express them if you know they wont draw criticism, though this isnt the case for everyone dealing with emotional repression.

Can it really lead to physical symptoms?

Hold on, you might think. My emotions dont make me sick… do they?

They actually can, in a way.

Theres no evidence to suggest emotions directly cause illness, of course. Sadness cant give you the flu, and anger doesnt cause cancer.

But research has linked emotional repression to decreased immune system function. If your immune system doesnt work properly, you might get sick more frequently and recover slowly.

Repressed emotions can also factor into mental health conditions, such as stress, anxiety, and depression.

These issues often cause physical symptoms, including:

    muscle tension and pain

    nausea and digestive problems

    appetite changes

    fatigue and sleep problems

Childhood trauma, one possible cause of repressed emotions, may also play a part in chronic illness.

Unresolved anger can have some significant health consequences, too. If you struggle with expressing anger in productive ways, you may face a higher risk of developing:

··    high blood pressure

·    digestive problems

·    cardiovascular disease

How do I know if I have repressed emotions?

Its not always easy to recognize when youre dealing with emotional repression, and theres no definitive test you can take.

If you do have repressed emotions, however, you might notice a few key signs. These signs might show up in your feelings or your behavior  both toward yourself and other people.

Recognizing emotional repression in your feelings

People with repressed emotions often have trouble naming and understanding their emotional experience. This can make it tough to describe how you feel to others, of course, but it also makes it difficult for you to recognize when certain aspects of your life arent serving your needs.

You might:

··    regularly feel numb or blank

·    feel nervous, low, or stressed a lot of the time, even if you arent sure why

·    have a tendency to forget things

·    experience unease or discomfort when other people tell you about their feelings

·    feel cheerful and calm most of the time because you never let your thoughts linger on anything significant or upsetting

·    feel distressed or irritated when someone asks you about your feelings

Recognizing emotional repression in your behavior

Repressed emotions commonly show up in behavior and can affect how you respond to others.

If you have a hard time expressing feelings as you experience them in healthy ways, your emotions can build up until they eventually explode, sometimes in response to very small triggers. This can contribute to problems in your interpersonal relationships.

Emotional repression can affect your ability to:

    talk about things that matter to you

    build intimate relationships

    understand how other people feel

    encourage or praise yourself

You might also notice that you:

    go along with situations instead of expressing what you really want and need

    use substances, TV, social media, or other activities to help you numb and avoid feelings you dont want to explore

    spend most of your time with other people to avoid being alone

    exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors to deal with situations that upset you

Still another sign: Others often describe you as chill, calm, or relaxed

Is it possible to release them?

If you have trouble expressing or regulating your emotions, talking to a mental health professional is a good first step.

A therapist can help you explore potential causes of repressed emotions and offer guidance and support as you begin to address these reasons.

Therapy also provides a safe space to:

    work on naming and understanding your feelings

    increase your comfort level around talking about emotions

    learn more helpful methods of emotional regulation

Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is one approach that may have particular benefit for emotional repression. EFT emphasizes emotional expression as one of the most important components of your personal experience and your ability to relate to others.

According to EFT theory, people who have a hard time accessing and understanding their feelings typically also struggle to enjoy meaningful relationships with others. This approach is often used in couples counseling, but it can also help you work through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms.

Things you can try right now

You can also get started practicing emotional expression on your own by trying these steps:

    Check in. Ask yourself how you feel right now. If you have a hard time speaking your emotions at first, trying using words or colors in a journal or piece of art. You can even find a song that matches your mood.

    Use I statements. Practice expressing your feelings with phrases like I feel confused. I feel nervous. I feel terrified.

    Focus on the positive. It might seem easier to name and embrace positive emotions at first, and thats OK. The goal is to get more comfortable with all of your emotions, and small steps help.

    Let go of judgement. No matter what emotion youre feeling, avoid judging yourself or telling yourself you shouldnt feel a certain way. Instead, try finding a reason for the feeling: I feel nervous because Im about to have my yearly performance review.

    Make it a habit. Practice naming and sharing your emotions with the people you feel closest to. Encourage them to share their feelings, too. 

 

Its natural to want to avoid feeling bad. Plenty of people feel at least a little afraid of confronting deep, intense emotions, especially those they link to unpleasant or unwanted experiences.

While it may sound a little counterintuitive, learning to embrace those negative feelings can actually help improve emotional well-being over time.

Getting more comfortable with your emotions, even the ones that dont feel great, can help you navigate the challenges of life more successfully while also improving your relationship with yourself and anyone else you care about.

 

  

Over the course of your life, youll probably meet a person or two who sparks some intense emotions.

Maybe you love someone who doesnt feel the same way  or someone who loves you, but caused you great pain. Deep dislike can also fuel rumination, so you might even get stuck on thoughts of someone you just cant stand.

In either scenario, youd rather not think of them at all, so you resolve to banish those unwanted memories and move on. As you may have noticed, though, trying to suppress certain thoughts often only brings them back in full force, leaving you overwhelmed and frustrated.

This doesnt mean youre doomed to think about that person forever. The 12 strategies below can help you refresh your focus.

Figure out why 

If youve tried and failed to move your thoughts away from someone, ask yourself why. Delving unflinchingly into this question can help you get some insight on why youre still stuck on them and perhaps lead to some resolution.

Say you had an intense crush on a classmate but never got the chance to ask them out. Now, you spend a lot of time imagining yourself making this conversation happen.

Its pretty common to fixate on unrealized hopes, but what if you could still connect, perhaps through social media or a mutual friend who helps you get in touch? Maybe your crush says no. Or maybe they say yes, and the dates a total flop.

Either way, a clear outcome can help you turn the page on those thoughts and move forward.

Focus on the facts

Its not uncommon to build people up as extremes, especially when time has faded the more realistic memories.

People have more nuance to them than right and wrong or good and bad, but memory biases can increase your chances of remembering wonderful or terrible things over more normal, everyday traits or events.

These exaggerated perceptions can take over your mental space pretty easily, making it even harder to let go. You can combat them by gently nudging your memories back toward the realm of strict facts.

    Say you cant let go of an ex. Instead of thinking, They were so perfect. Ill never find anyone else like them, ask yourself what made them so fantastic. Laying out specific things that drew you to someone can help you realize it might not be all that difficult to find others with similar characteristics.

    Find some evidence to support or refute idealized impressions, like: They never let me down, They always knew just what to say, or Theyre so horrible. All they want to do is make me miserable. When you take the time to sift through your memories, youll likely identify a few that shift your perspective to a more realistic shade of gray.

    Look at the situation objectively. If you cant escape the suspicion that your co-worker is out to get you, challenge yourself to find other explanations for their behavior. Maybe theyre having a tough time. Perhaps they treat everyone with a similar sharpness. Stepping back from an emotional view can help you avoid taking someones behavior personally, which can make it easier to shrug off. 

Accept instead of reject

When you cant seem to stop thinking about someone, try turning toward those thoughts instead of away. That might sound completely illogical, but this technique can really work.

Those thoughts might keep returning because you havent yet accepted the reality of the situation. Unrequited love, humiliation, unjust treatment, plain old spite  any of these can cause plenty of distress, which you reject to protect yourself.

You cant push pain away forever, though, and when you finally allow yourself to confront it, you might be unpleasantly surprised by its intensity.

Shoving the thoughts in a mental box and hiding the key can make them seem forbidden, off-limits. Accepting them, and the circumstances around them, can help you navigate distress more productively. Opening the box and letting your thoughts loose reduces their urgent need for acknowledgment.

Meditation is one helpful way to practice exploring and accepting unwanted thoughts. A regular meditation practice can teach you to sit with thoughts and let them pass as you observe them with compassion and curiosity.

Write it down

Not everyone finds meditation helpful, so if it doesnt work for you, dont sweat it. Other methods can help you begin exploring and accepting thoughts of someone in order to finally get them off your mind.

Journaling is one such approach. Many people associate journaling with their teenage years, but a journal can have benefits at any stage in life.

Journals offers private space to vent frustrations and come to terms with difficult emotions. It might even feel a little easier to identify potential reasons behind persistent thoughts in writing.

Many people find journaling cathartic. The relief that comes with writing down difficult thoughts can almost make you feel as if youve set those thoughts down in a place where they no longer burden you so heavily.

Find a positive distraction

Distraction can help you manage any kind of emotional distress, as long as you use it correctly.

When youre trying to find temporary relief from unpleasant or upsetting thoughts, distraction can be a great tool.

Distraction can also come in handy when you cant do anything to change the circumstances troubling you. It shouldnt replace acceptance and self-exploration, though. To properly resolve recurring thoughts, youll typically need to address them at their roots.

In short, as long as you dont use distraction to deny emotions and experiences, it may work as a good short-term coping strategy.

It can help to try focused distraction or redirecting your thoughts to something specific, instead of simply letting your mind wander where it will.

A few helpful distractions to try:

    Pick up a book.

    Put on some music.

    Watch a favorite movie.

    Talk to a friend.

    Head out for a walk or jog. 

Work on self-discovery

Whether you want to take your mind off your last love interest or a toxic friends betrayal, it can help to refocus on one very important person: yourself.

Some dedicated self-exploration can distract you from thoughts of whoever you want to stop thinking about. It can also help you get back in touch with your hobbies, personal interests, and other things you find meaningful. You know, those things that so often fall by the wayside when you get wrapped up in thoughts of someone else.

Self-discovery can yield even greater rewards when youre trying to move on from thoughts of an ex or crush who didnt feel the same way. The more you reconnect with yourself, the more you might notice key ways they dont quite meet your needs or align with the future you envision.

Prioritize meeting your own needs

Believing you need someone makes it much harder to let go. If you convince yourself you cant carry on without them, it can become a real struggle to take healthy steps toward achieving your goals alone.

Try asking yourself:

    What need did they fulfill?

    Could I fulfill that on my own?

    If not, how can I meet that need? 

Your answers can help you begin to identify a clearer path forward. Remember, nobody can fulfill all of your needs, though friends and partners provide important emotional support.

Keep a healthy distance

Creating some space between yourself and the other person can help you redirect thoughts more successfully. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes.

When you cant avoid them completely, these strategies can help:

    Temporarily unfollow or hide social media profiles, and avoid visiting their pages.

    If you belong to the same friend group, limit your hangouts for the immediate future. COVID-19 distancing guidelines provide a fantastic, honest excuse, since its much safer to limit interaction for now.

    Avoid texting, calling, and otherwise maintaining regular contact. 

Stay in the here and now

Mindfulness, or your awareness of the present, can improve well-being in a number of ways. Staying present in your daily life can strengthen your relationships with others. It can also boost self-awareness and have a positive impact on mental health.

When you live mindfully, youre more in tune with each passing moment, so it becomes easier to stop cycling thoughts and return your attention to what you actually want to concentrate on. Since your mental energy is caught up in each moment as it happens, its less likely to drift off toward what could have been.

Living mindfully is often as simple as:

    using your five senses

    grounding yourself when your attention wanders

    focusing your breathing

Find more mindfulness tips here.

Give it time

Waiting is often both the easiest and hardest thing to do.

Sure, you dont have to do anything besides live each day of your life. Still, time does seem to pass much more slowly when you want something specific to happen.

You might scoff at the idea that your pain and the intensity of your thoughts will someday diminish, but time generally does do the trick. A day will eventually come when you have to actually expend effort to recall that person you cant stop thinking about now.

Try to forgive

Its all too easy to get trapped in distress when someone wrongs you. Maybe you go over the injustice again and again, fixate on the pain of betrayal, and think of all things you could do to balance the scales. Yet retracing this path generally only fuels more misery, while forgiveness offers a more reliable route toward healing.

Heres one thing not everyone realizes about forgiveness: Its for you, more than anyone else. Forgiveness helps you let go of the wrongs youve clutched close to your chest so you can move forward with a lighter heart.

It becomes easier to forgive when you remember everyone makes mistakes, and many of these mistakes have no bad intentions behind them.

Talk to a therapist

If the strategies above havent helped you stop thinking about the person, professional support is a good next step.

A therapist cant give you a spotless mind of eternal sunshine, but they can offer compassionate guidance as you explore reasons why you cant move on.

In therapy, you can learn productive ways to challenge unwanted thoughts and break their hold, along with mindfulness practices and other helpful coping skills.

Struggling to forgive someone? A therapist can help with that, too.

The bottom line

The mind can be a tricky place. It doesnt always respond in the way youd like, and sometimes it seems to have, well, a mind of its own. This can feel particularly frustrating when thoughts of someone you want to forget pop up as fast as you push them down.

Other people can affect you deeply, for better or for worse. When they let you down, its easy to fixate on what might have been, but accepting what is can help you set aside those wonderings and regain your peace of mind.c



 Repressing Emotions: 10 Ways to Reduce Emotional Avoidance

4 Nov 2020 by Angelica Attard Ph.D.

Scientifically reviewed by William Smith, Ph.D.

 Emotions are part of who we are; however, many of us have a difficult relationship with negative emotions.

We consider them uncomfortable and problematic. As a species, we are primed to avoid pain and suffering to ensure our survival.

Cue: enter emotional repression.

Emotional repression is all about avoiding emotional suffering. It is a coping style used to hide and push away negative emotions. Emotional repression can be thought of as a defense mechanism, where people defend themselves from the negatives and focus instead on the positive aspects of who they are (Garssen, 2007).

It differs from emotional suppression, which is a one-off act of avoiding negative emotions, rather than a habitual coping strategy (Garssen, 2007).

  

Why Do People Repress Their Emotions?

Emotional repression can occur due to growing up in an environment where little or no room was given to experience and express emotions.

Societal narratives and family myths may have dictated that emotions are wrong, shameful, or a sign of weakness. We may have been raised by primary caregivers who never expressed or displayed negative emotions. They may have intentionally or unintentionally invalidated our negative emotions through messages such as get on with it, stop crying, be grateful, and dont be silly; everything is fine.

As children, we internalize the messages we hear and learn that having negative emotions and acknowledging them is not a good thing. Furthermore, not having someone model how to express and cope with emotions may lead to the development of coping strategies that focus on avoiding and inhibiting negative emotions. We may orient our attention more toward positive emotions that are acceptable and tolerated by others.

Traumatic childhood experiences may also result in emotional repression. A child whose needs were ignored, invalidated, or neglected or who was criticized or punished for displaying and expressing feelings may be more likely to repress their emotions as an adult.



Physical and Psychological Impact: Disorders Associated With Repressing Emotions

Emotional SuppressionJust because a person represses negative emotions does not mean their emotions disappear.

Internally, they may have a raging fire of emotions, bringing on a range of psychological, physical, and social consequences.

Individuals who cannot view themselves as a whole, acknowledging both their positive and negative traits, may have an unrealistic view of themselves that hinders their ability to admit they have a problem and ask for help (Garssen, 2007). People who repress their emotions tend to focus on their physical health and seek physical health solutions for emotional health problems (Abbass, 2005).

Just like a physical wound may fester and become infected if left untreated, the accumulation of unaddressed emotions can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. The increase in cortisol that comes with stress (Patel & Patel, 2019) can lead to changes in heart rate, motivation, and sleep (Cote, 2005).

Furthermore, as people who repress their emotions may struggle to cope, they may use unhealthy short-term coping strategies such as overeating, substance abuse, and medication noncompliance (Abbass, 2005). 

There are links between emotional repression and the development of physical health problems such as:

··    Colds (Pennebaker, 1997)

·    Chronic pain (Beutler, Engle, Oro-Beutler, Daldrup, & Meredith, 1986)

·    Heart disease (Myers, 2010)

·    A lowered immune system that can increase the risks of developing other health conditions such as cancer (Weihs, Enright, Simmens, & Reiss, 2000)

Emotional repression may also restrict peoples ability to connect intimately with others in their life because of insensitivity to negative emotions and difficulty tolerating negative emotions and being around others when they are emotionally suffering.

Simultaneously, it may be difficult for individuals to be authentic. They may resist opening up and being vulnerable to others, causing their relationships to be distant and avoidant.



Signs That You Might Be Repressing Your Emotions

There can be a range of signs that may indicate that you repress your emotions. These signs can be grouped into particular behaviors, ways of thinking, and ways of relating to yourself and others.

Patterns of thinking: You believe

··    negative emotions are something bad, weak, or embarrassing.

·     negative emotions should not be expressed.

·    You believe that you never struggle with negative emotions and describe yourself as feeling fine.

Patterns of behaving and relating to yourself:

    You ignore and push away negative thoughts and emotions.

    You avoid and distract from your negative thoughts and emotions by turning toward numbing and escaping behaviors such as drinking and using substances, binge eating, watching tv, playing computer games, or overworking.

    You find it difficult to recognize and admit that things in your life are harming you.

    You find yourself at times erupting because of built-up emotions.

    You focus more on your physical wellbeing.

Patterns of behaving and relating to others:

    You generally do not like to be asked how you feel.

    You put on a positive front in front of others and do not express negative emotions.

    You get along well with people but struggle with emotional intimacy and close friendships.

    You feel uncomfortable with and struggle to tolerate people who are emotional and express negativity, and you try to shift focus to the positive.

10 Ways to Cope With Negative Emotions Without Repressing Them

Cope with negative emotionsIf you recognize that you are someone who represses your emotions, then you have already taken a crucial first step as emotional repression is typically a semi-conscious or unconscious coping strategy (Garssen, 2007).

You can now start to ask yourself whether emotional repression is still serving you in your life.

You cannot get rid of negative emotions; however, you can learn how to cope with them without repressing them. This entails a process of courageously leaning in toward uncomfortable feelings and learning how to live with them.

Here are 10 ideas to get you started.

1. Understanding how you relate to your emotions

What is your relationship with your emotions? It is important to take the time to reflect on this because what you think about negative emotions will influence how you feel about them and how you behave and respond to them.

For instance, if you think that negative emotions are an inconvenience and a sign of weakness, you may feel frustrated when you or others experience them, leading you to push them away. This can become automatic and habitual, so it can help break a habit by noticing and identifying when these patterns are occurring.

2. Educating yourself about emotions

What is the point of having emotions? What are the different positive and negative emotions designed for? The Pixar movie Inside Out is a fantastic illustration of this and a fun and gentle introduction to thinking about the function of different emotions in their own right. This can help challenge the harmful myths about emotions and indicate that they are important, useful, and not threatening.

3. Understanding how emotions show up in your body

To cope with emotions, you need to understand how emotions manifest in your body. Different emotions show up differently in your body, and this varies from person to person. For example, for one person, anxiety may feel like a tight sensation in their chest, sadness may feel like a pit in their stomach, and anger may feel like a hot and throbbing sensation in their head.

You can better get to know the relationship between your emotions and body by paying attention to how your body changes when you feel a particular emotion.

4. Learning the triggers to your emotions

Being in touch with our bodies can help us detect our emotions sooner and identify what may have triggered them.

Understanding the triggers can equip us to be prepared for particular emotions to show up and enable us to manage them more effectively. For example, if I know that speaking in a meeting typically makes me feel anxious, I can take a few moments to calm my anxiety by taking 10 deep breaths.

5. Learning how to live with your emotions

Trying to get rid of negative emotions is a futile exercise because we cannot control them.

When we try to push away our negative emotions, it is like trying to push a ball underwater. The ball pops back up. Instead of fighting to make the ball go away, we can let the ball float in the water around us.

Similarly, instead of using up our energy to make our negative emotions go away, we can change our relationship with our emotions by letting them be in our lives. If we dont push our emotions away, they wont push back, and we can live with them more easily.

6. Acknowledging your emotions

It can be helpful to learn how to acknowledge and validate your emotions. You can do this by naming them (e.g., here is anger; anxiety is back), without judging yourself or giving yourself a hard time for experiencing them.

Acknowledging your negative emotions will not make them worse or intensify. Just like clouds in the sky and waves in the ocean, emotions are not permanent. They come and go.

Acknowledging them just means that you are accepting yourself more fully, with all your emotional peaks and troughs.

7. Sitting with your emotions

Sitting with negative emotions means being with them when they show up by observing them and focusing your attention inward on the bodys sensations. For example, you may focus on the butterflies in your stomach when you start to feel anxious.

As you notice the butterflies, you can imagine expanding your body to make room for them (the butterflies/anxiety).

Sitting with negative emotions is not about changing or fixing them; instead, it is about learning that we can tolerate them, and they do not have to overwhelm us in the process.

8. Understanding what your emotions are communicating

When you experience a negative emotion, it can help to tune in to the message it is trying to give you. You can ask yourself these questions with gentleness and curiosity:

    What triggered my emotion?

    What is this emotion trying to communicate to me?

    What does this emotion suggest I need right now?

Asking emotion regulation questions can help you pause and understand what your mind and body are telling you.

Simultaneously, it is vital to interpret these messages with caution. We instinctively survive and avoid hardship, so our negative emotions are hard wired to point out danger.

Therefore, emotions can become triggered even when there is no actual problem  like a smoke alarm that goes off when we are cooking a meal and not because there is a fire. Being aware of this can stop you from impulsively reacting and instead help you choose what action will be most helpful in the moment.

9. Choosing a helpful action

Once you understand the message, you can then choose whether you need to take action and, if you do, what action will be helpful to yourself and others.

The action will vary based on the circumstances and may include:

    Finding a solution to the problem and acting on it

    Tolerating the emotion until it passes if it is a false alarm

    Being kind to yourself

    Soothing your body through breathing

    Participating fully in the activity you are doing, such as cooking, playing with your child, or exercising

Your successes and failures in managing your negative emotions can be valuable lessons that can further develop your emotional literacy, sensitivity to your own and others emotions, and your sense of empowerment in coping with them.

10. Practicing

Learning how to cope with negative emotions is not easy. You have had a lifetime of perfecting an avoidance coping strategy, and it will take effort to learn a different way to cope.

Like learning any other skill such as playing the piano, speaking a new language, and driving a car, it can be painful and uncomfortable, and it takes courage, commitment, perseverance, and learning from your errors. However, it becomes easier with time and can become automatic and a part of who you are.

3 Valuable Exercises

To better deal with emotions, and prevent repressing them, try the following exercises.

1. Notice and name your emotions

When you notice a change in how you feel, you can use these moments to pause and name the emotion that has been triggered. Imagine you are on a balcony observing cars come and go. Just as you may name the different car models as they pass, you can start to practice observing your emotions from a distance as they come and name them.

This can help you bring clarity to your emotional world, which can often be confusing and messy. Learning mindfulness techniques can be fundamental in helping you develop the skills to pay attention to what you are experiencing in the present moment without judging or getting upset with yourself and your emotions.

2. Breathe

When our emotions are triggered, our body changes, and often our breathing changes with it. For example, if you are angry, your breathing can become faster and shallow. This change in the body sends the brain a message that something is wrong, and you need to do something about it.

It can be hard to think in a moment of intense emotion, and instead, we can intentionally shift our focus from our thoughts to our bodies. You can purposely use your breath to calm down your body, helping to calm your thoughts.

You can start with a simple practice of breathing in for a count of four, holding it for one second, breathing out for a count of four, holding it for one second, and starting again. Using the breath can be a powerful and convenient tool as our breath is always with us.

3. Express your emotions with yourself and others

Taking a moment to check in with how you are feeling and expressing yourself can be healthy. This may prevent emotions from building up over time if they are left unaddressed.

Journaling, drawing, and painting can all be effective means of emotional expression. You may also choose to express your emotions with people in your life whom you trust and feel safe with.

This can allow you to become more comfortable expressing emotions with yourself and with others. In turn, this may enable others to feel more comfortable opening up to you, which can enrich the quality and intimacy of your relationships.

While it is possible to learn how to cope with negative emotions, it may be challenging to do it alone, particularly if you learned to repress your emotions in the context of unresolved and challenging life experiences.

Therefore, it is important and healthy to ask for help from a mental health professional like a psychologist or psychotherapist who can work with you to start to talk about your emotions, make sense of your experiences, and learn more-effective coping strategies to manage your emotions.

A Take-Home Message

If you are a human being, you will experience positive and negative emotions throughout your life; that is the deal that comes with being human.

The bottom line is that emotions are not our enemy. We need them, and they help us survive. Our interpretation and perception of emotions as bad and wrong are the problem, together with not having the right tools to cope.

It may not be our fault that we were never taught these skills, but it is our responsibility to learn this now. By deciding to learn how to cope with our emotions, we offer ourselves an invaluable and lifelong gift.